Blogetary (Weblog + Commentary = Blogetary)

I’m up at Everyday Weirdness for the day, my poem, I Dream … Eyes: http://everydayweirdness.com/

If you read this AFTER July 29, 2010, then try plugging this in instead: http://everydayweirdness.com/e/20100729/

I met Rachael de Vienne through the author group at Drollerie Press. You can read about her here. Besides being a goat-herding pixie, she is also a fantasy writer and author of Pixie Warrior. A while ago, after she so graciously read my story, Love’s Clothing (out in the February 2010 issue of Aoife’s Kiss), she asked if I’d be interested in writing a guest blog for her. Well, I cogitated some, and then some more, and a few months later (oops!) I came up with something. And she has very kindly posted it on her blog, which you can find here.

Wasn’t sure what I was going to write at first, but decided writing about what I have been learning would be best. And maybe it will help someone else out there.

Minutes for the July 2010 meeting are now posted on MySpace and you can find them here. I don’t normally post here about the writers club anymore, I know. BUT, since we’re going to be in the West Hollywood Book Fair, I wanted to get out the news in as many places as possible. So, if you’re part of us, come get involved!

1) I am beginning to suspect that some markets have me on auto-reject. I don’t think they even bother to read what I’ve sent. And if that’s the case then so be it. It’s not honest, but that’s just way it is and there are plenty of other markets out there who do seem to like what I write.

2) I have a poem coming out on Everyday Weirdness next week. I’ll put up the link when it’s up.

3) I know other writers and artists go through this. Sometimes it feels like our friends and family don’t take us seriously. We don’t have the 12 hour a day job that eats our soul; we have the sometimes 2 hour and sometimes 48 hour job that feeds our soul. But, because we work at home in our flip flops they don’t really think we’re working. Other people in our field don’t take us seriously.We aren’t getting handed awards or big contracts, so we don’t feel validated for all the hours of work we put in looking for work, doing the work, creating the work, marketing the work and advertising the work. Well, no one else BUT us really knows what we’re up to. We have to learn to pat ourselves on the back and keep going. We can’t let the negative tapes in our head get to us. Nor do we have any time to spare worrying about ego strokes. Ask yourself why are you doing what you are doing. If it’s for money or ego, you’re in the wrong business. Not that there’s anything wrong with feeling good about getting a byline, or getting paid well for what we do, or seeing our name on the cover of a magazine or book, but that’s not why we’re doing what we’re doing.

So, those are my late night thoughts.

Been busy and I have lots of news, so if you’re interested, then read on. Not sure when I’ll have time to do this again any time soon. And if you’re a spam-bot just move along please, I’m tired of relegating your comments on (insert drug/sex/business here) to Spam-Bot Hell.

1) My poem, “In Passing,” is up on Daily Love. You can find it here. There will be another one in August called, “That Night…”. I’ll give you a heads up when the link is available for that one.

2) Just signed a contract with Drollerie Press for another novella. Can’t say anything else about it right now, but I’ll let you know more when I know more.

3) Tyrannosaurus Press just came out with their third quarterly issue of The Illuminata, their free newsletter. In this issue there are a couple of short stories, some reviews and a few articles on things of a speculative fiction nature (including at least one of each written by me). You can download it in either ePub or PDF format.

4) I had a poem accepted by Aoife’s Kiss, and rumor has it it will be in the September 2010 issue. I’ll let you know when it’s out and if I’ll be having a blog contest for it.

5) Had my first InfiniChi Medical Qigong appointment on Friday and I highly recommend trying it out if you can find a practitioner near you. They use a combination of Reiki, massage, acupressure and other energy-type work. I was so present afterward that I think my business meeting went much better than it would have otherwise. I was much more helpful to my client and will probably give her a better product because I was more present. I’m moving slower today, but again, I’m also more present, and hopefully more productive.

6) This next week commences the Great Bathroom Make Over – basically gutting it and making it over almost brand new. What this means is that I have been moving everything out of the bathroom and have made up an overnight bag/kit to use in a functional bathroom elsewhere in the building for the next week. Monday morning will be the last time I really use the bathroom before it’s gutted. It means I will lose the white tile with black trim wainscoting I love so much around the room. It’s fairly old – vintage – which is why I like it so much, but it needs to be replaced (sigh).

It took much convincing on the part of the person doing the work as I kept wondering why he couldn’t just patch up the ugly and leave the rest, but when you compare the new tile to the 30 some year old tile, there’s just no way it would look good together. And redoing the entire thing exactly as it is now, but using 21st century materials, would be prohibitively expensive. It’s sad and I hate change, but he explained to me this also means I will probably gain room because the wainscoting is like an inch thick all around and that will disappear to be dry walled and the tile around the tub to go up higher and around the window. Everything repainted. And they’re going to try to stay with the black and white tile I like. It also means the ugly patch work tile around tub faucet will be replaced. And lots of other stuff either cleaned up or replaced. But, I’ll also lose things like the tile towel holders and tile toilet paper holders. But, it’s basically a brand new bathroom, too. And other than having to use another bathroom occasionally over the next week, free and easy to me.

I love that it’s happening, but I’m just sad to see the old vintage stuff go. Some people like living in newness. I’m the person who doesn’t see the cracks in the paint as much because I’m charmed by the oldness. But again – it’s all good and being done by someone I trust (Pye doesn’t hate him — well not as much as he hates other people, anyway).

7) Because of the work on the bathroom I might not be hanging out on my usual cyber haunts as much. My home office is kinda near construction central so I’ll probably be using my netbook elsewhere or working on other things in other places. We’ll see how it goes. It will be good. But if you know me, you know how much I can grouse about change and things being “different”. I like my routine. But my brain will enjoy the change, I’m sure.

When it’s all done, however, I will make sure to post before and after pictures so you can say “oooh” and “ah” along with me.

Got two poetry acceptances recently. One will be appearing online at DailyLove.net later on this month and another one will be appearing online at Eternal Haunted Summer probably around September. It’s the little things that keep you going!

When I have URLs to link to and know more, I’ll pass it on.

If you want a little 10 minute break from your weekend, here’s the first part of my short story, The Spider and the Crow, which was published in the July 2009 issue of Beyond Centauri through SamsDotPublishing.

Hope you enjoy it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wr7rbTOgDI8

1) It’s time for the Science Fiction Poetry Association voting of the 2010 Rhysling Awards. Every year people in the SFPA can vote on the previous years best poetry from those nominated. You get this neat book to look through and decide on the short and long poems you think are deserving of the year’s awards. I’ve never been involved in nominating anyone, but I do like reading those who have been nominated, seeing all that’s out there, and voting on the ones I like best. My choices never win, but I like knowing I was part of the process and hope that the people who’s poems I voted for will soon be recognized elsewhere if not here. Anyway, it’s a cool thing to be involved in.

2) My short story, “Love’s Clothing”, published in the February 2010 issue of Aoife’s Kiss, got a good brief mention on Charles Gramlich’s blog, Razored Zen (last paragraph here). If you haven’t followed his blog before, I recommend reading along. He can be a good read. And I feel good that a writer so talented enjoyed something I wrote.

Anyway, just sharing the two cool things I’m involved in right now.

Sunday, my dad and stepmom came down to visit and spend time with me and a cousin who now lives down here. Family vacations and outings can be a chore—ask anyone. But this last time it all went so very well. We had a great time. We were patient with each other, listened, joked, and actually heard each other. Good times were had by all. I was amazed! I’m a veteran of the family/friend outing where someone gets pissy or miffed or slams a door or needs to go take a timeout. But this was not the case this week. So, I was a little sad to see my dad and stepmom go, but it was the perfect amount of time, so it was all good.

On top of that, I still love my job. Really, really love my job. I’m thankful for it every day and felt guilty that I couldn’t work past my normal quitting time because I had guests in town. I felt guilty because I like my work. That feels so good!

I was in a glow of goodness.

After Dad and my stepmom left, I went to dinner with some friends and it was amazing how fast that glow was shattered. Two sentences (maybe less) into my story about my idyllic family Fathers Day weekend one friend loses his temper at something I said. But instead of saying “sorry” like I normally do I actually stood up for myself, which just made it worse of course. And the rest of the evening was basically not the fun catchup dinner it was supposed to be and the golden glow I had about my visit was gone. No way I wanted to share it now, not if I was going to get yelled at.

We came to a truce, had a pleasant evening, but even then for some reason it seemed to be my fault the evening was ruined, even though it was someone else’s bad behavior and hypocritical comments that had kind of sent things that direction.

So, no drama with the family, but drama with the friends.

That evening I couldn’t get it out of my head, still can’t. But last night I realized part of the success of one and failure of the other is that I have developed tools over the years to function in my family. Plus, as much of an ass as my dad can be, he can take as much as he dishes out, so if you’re willing to stand up to him intelligently he’s fine. I’d had three days of being able to hang out with a group of people who can tease and banter and give and take and it’s EXPECTED that if you dish it out, you’re gonna get some back. If you’re gonna complain about someone being late then the next time everyone is waiting for you, you’re going to hear about it. All in good fun because that’s part of the art of good banter. But those are also the tools I have with my family.

With some of my friends, I don’t have those same tools. I’ve let a codependent relationship develop where it’s okay for me to be the butt of jokes but not okay me to dish it back. It’s okay for them to play hooky from work but not okay for someone else to play hooky. I might be feeling a little under the weather, but it’s not nearly as bad as what they’re going through. Or, for some reason because I have a shell, smudge stick and mug on my bathroom shelf, I’m a packrat, even if I could fit all I own into a small Uhaul truck while they might have storage spaces, garages and rooms full of stuff they rarely even see, let alone use.  I’m the one with the “artistic” temperament when they’re the ones who throwing fits over the types of foods or materials that come near them. I might do the same to them. We project our fears and expectations on each other rather than seeing each other clearly.

That’s an extreme description of several people and only from my own point of view. It’s not always like that. And it’s certainly not wrong for people to have their own perspectives or points of view. We aren’t always so trapped in our own perspectives, but it goes there. And since I’ve been reading The New Codependency by Melody Beattie and rereading The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Han it struck me how I have gotten to the point, without realizing it, of needing tools to deal with my friends. I expected to need tools with my family. I didn’t expect to need tools with my friends, so their remarks have stuck under my skin more than is necessary. I haven’t had my boundaries up and at the ready when I should have.

So, last night when I was thinking over what I could have done or said differently to remedy or bypass the drama, I realized it would have been an Akido move – surrender to the blow and use the energy to come back in a detached and logical manner.  I think, I don’t know, that that would translate to letting my friend be angry, taking a deep breath, counting to 10 or 20 or 30, and then after he’d resumed a normal heart beat asked, “Why are you getting mad at me when you are obviously mad at someone else?” or “Why are you mad about someone doing something that you yourself have done many times and will do again many times more?” or “Why is this important to you? Why can’t you allow for this without commandeering it for your own perspective?” “Why does anyone belong in a ‘doghouse’ when no one is at fault?”

But that’s “couldawouldashoulda” or water under the bridge and I just need to release it and learn from it, and ultimately, understand that I need my tools for healthy interaction just as much with my friends as I do my family. And understand that when a friend is trapped in their own perspective or illusion of what life (their life, my life, someone else’s life) should be, that I need to have patience with them so they’ll have patience with me.

“Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

Perspective is important. Perspective is what tells you whether you have enough room to park. Perspective is what tells you when and when not to get involved in something. According to the Occupational Outlook Handbook I read in junior high, a writer has to have the same kind of perspective that a pilot has – deep and ready to make a decision in a split second. And then, a friend of mine has a quote, something to the effect that those with the biggest perspectives win. In other words, having a big enough perspective to allow others to have theirs.

I’ve been pondering perspective lately for several reasons. For one, I was in a tribe on tribe.net where we were discussing how to bring people back to tribe and what was considered troll-type behavior (that being a consideration in why some people left). Another reason was reading a review of scifi/fantasy work by a respected reviewer. Then, there’s reading The New Codependency by Melody Beattie (boning up on my boundaries) and the rereading of The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh. And then, there’s just the day-by-day spending of time with people who have a different perspective.

For example, on tribe we were discussing why people come to tribe. Personally, I go there because I’ve made friends I like to banter with. I like banter and repartee. I like fun and having a laugh. Technically, that’s not a hobby, but for me it is. Why be here if you can’t laugh and play? But, another person pointed out in the same discussion that she doesn’t get enough serious conversations in her personal life and she comes to tribe just for the serious discussions. When people go off topic and get silly, it seriously bothers her. That was a perspective I had not bothered to consider before. I don’t think that my perspective was wrong, but I can have more sympathy for her now that I know that.

Then, when I was reading the review of a sci/fi piece by a respected reviewer I was put off by it because he was dismissive of a writer who still believed that happy endings and high ideals in scifi (specifically YA sci/fi) are okay and good, and the reviewer, apparently, thought the views of the writer were anachronistic (I hate that term, but in this case – it’s applicable).  Personally, I think the reviewer’s opinion is stupid and short-sighted, and I was ready to rip off a letter to him and then counted to ten and realized he’s as entitled to his opinion as I am to mine. If he wants to cut his life short by being a “Douglas Downer” then that’s not my problem.

Which takes me to the reading of the New Codependency and the Miracle of Mindfulness, which both reminded me I am not in charge of other people’s opinions. I still get to have my own opinions and that’s okay. That’s one of the perks of living in these United States. I can have my own perspective – think Meg Whitman  and Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter are embarrassments to womankind, for example, and that’s my right. But, it’s not my job to change someone else’s mind. If they want to think those women are the trifecta of perfect womanhood, then that’s their right.

So, I guess all this thinking of perspective brings me back to my yearly post on freedom of speech and thought. We each have a right to express our opinions — either online, in a letter to the editor, in a letter to our congressmen, or just in day-to-day interactions. That is our right. And it is equally the right of those around us to disagree with us. Yet, somehow, even when we disagree, we have to figure out how to live together and compromise with each other and allow others their different perspectives.

This isn’t easy. It’s easier to say “my way or the highway.” But we live in a country where compromise and consensus is what keeps us going. Yes, we can really disagree with each other, really hard. And that’s not wrong. But we have to allow for the other perspectives and eventually figure out how to have those disagreements and still peaceably share space with those that disagree with us.

We’ll figure it out eventually. We always do. But this past week has reminded me that sometimes I just need to allow for those other perspectives, whether or not I agree with them  — just acknowledge that they’re there — and that’s a step in the right direction.